Loose Ends and Thai Noodle Salad

As a former English major, I read metaphors in everything.

It's been a week of loose ends at work, a week when things feel unraveled. The team that I'd cohered so well for the past few years is falling apart: one of my staff members has officially left for a faculty job at an institution in the midwest, and my head of college just finished up a victory lap after what was supposed to be an eight year term. Losing both of them at the same time means a shift in energy, a shift in overall positivity in the office, and I feel it keenly.

The other day, towards the end of the day, I was cleaning out the fish tank in the office, and it seeemed like everyone was standing around chatting, completely oblivious to the fact that my hands were full of fish poop and that it would have been nice to step in and help me out. As I looked around at the people who would be left, I wondered whether I'd ever be able to pull a team together again like I had in the years before. I wondered if I'd ever have someone who saw me like my departing colleagues did, without me needing to say a word. I wondered what the point of trying so hard was.

Of course, my kid is away at camp for two weeks, so I'm sure that's part of the unraveled feeling. She's leaving me, too ... more slowly, maybe (I have three more years before she leaves for college), but surely nontheless. And my other kid is in Boston for the summer, and then likely Copenhagen for the fall.

It's a lot of leaving, and it all makes me want to hide under my desk, or better yet, leave my office entirely and go hide in the garden. Or in bed.

As I was leaving work, having cleaned my hands of fish poop, I happened to glance down into the mulch next to my usual parking space, and I noticed something glinting up at me. It was the front of a pin I'd lost weeks ago ... the Kind pin from Penzey's. I had the back of the pin in my desk, but figured I'd never find the front, having looked everywhere for it.

So of course, that, too, was a message. Be kind to yourself. Others still need your kindness. Look for kindness and it will find you when you least expect it.

Which, because I'm all unraveled, made me cry.

I can't help but think that life would have been less complicated in my head if I hadn't been an English major.

Thai Noodle Salad

a recipe for when things are feeling a little unraveled; dress it and somehow it all starts to stick together
 

6 ounces rice noodles

4 cups mix of cabbage, carrots and radish, shredded or grated

1 red bell pepper, finely sliced

3 scallions, sliced

½ bunch cilantro, chopped (or sub basil and mint)

¼–½ cup roasted, crushed peanuts (garnish)

3 thin slices ginger- cut across the grain, about the size of a quarter.

1 fat clove garlic

¼ cup peanut butter (sub almond butter)

¼ cup fresh orange juice (roughly ½ an orange)

3 T. fresh lime juice (1 lime)

2 T. soy sauce 

3 T. honey or agave

1 1/2 T. toasted sesame oil

1/2 t. cayenne pepper

1/2 t. salt

Cook noodles according to directions on package. Drain and chill under cold running water.

While noodles are cooking, blend the peanut sauce ingredients (ginger through salt) together using  a blender until smooth.

Toss shredded veggies, bell pepper, scallions, cilantro together in a serving bowl. Add the cold noodles to the serving bowl and toss again. Pour the peanut sauce over top and toss well to combine.

NOTE: If you're not going to eat this immediately, don't dress it! It will actually get sticky and absorb all of the dressing.

Adjust the salt (to your liking), add chili flakes if you want, and serve, garnishing with roasted peanuts and cilantro and a lime wedge.