Monday, May 17, 2010

Vrksasana, or The Challenge of Standing on One Leg

(credits to getty for the photo ...)

Yesterday I went to the yoga teacher training information session.  Mostly, it confirmed what I already know.  Five to six hour lectures, twice a month on a Saturday or Sunday.  Once a month Friday evening classes.  Required attendance at 6 asana classes per month.  Three books, two papers. Nine months.  The time it would take to bring a child to term.

I have been thinking about this for a long time.  Five years, at least.  Likely longer.  While my home practice is far from where I'd like it to be, I know that I am happiest when I can see the world, breathing with intention, my heart in yoga mudra.

But is this the right time?

This is my typical weekday:
5:50 get up, make lunches, Ian comes to drink his morning glass of milk
6:15 get Ian dressed
6:30 shower, dress while Ian is eating breakfast with Steve
6:45 help hurry Ian along7:00 kiss the boys good bye
8:00 arrive at the office
5:00 leave the office
5:50 arrive home
6:00 dinner
6:30 bathe Ian
7:00 playtime
7:30 bedtime for Ian
8:15 go back to work email, do laundry, do dishes, cook tomorrow's dinner, get on an Acorn conference call, go grocery shopping, etc., depending on the day
midnight: bed

This basically leaves weekends for things like birthday parties, Sunday morning UU gatherings, open house volunteer commitments, youth group volunteer commitments, and everything else that doesn't fit into the week.  Not to mention spending time with Ian, which is really the heart of the decision here.

Will I be able to live with myself if I spend this time away?  How, if at all, can I ask to have time away from work so that I can compensate somehow for the time I will be spending away?   And if I did get that time (even, say, an afternoon a week where I didn't have to see students), what about the contract we've already signed for Ian's school next year, that gives us full time 12 month care, because that's what we need?  And then how do I fit in the additional asana classes?  There are currently two that start at 6:30 and at 7 ... but that means I barely get home and have to leave again.

On the other hand, if I do this, what next?  What if this opens up a new world for me?  What if this is exactly what I need right now?

I feel so torn.  The balance is so delicate.  In Vrksasana, I calm the wobbling by choosing a point in front of me, and focusing my attention on it: not staring, just resting my gaze there.  Where is that point in this situation?  If only I knew.
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  1. I despise choices like this. But sometimes you have to let your heart lead--and time will miraculously show up. I say go for it...the opportunities could change your life!

  2. I think it sounds like you really, in your heart, want to do this. (I felt like that with my grad study, for a long time, and now wish I had started earlier). So, I would say, try to let go for now and let the answer reveal itself. By doing what you want to do a whole new world will open up for you.

    I'm trying to be encouraging! Not sure if my comment makes sense.


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