I could have pretended I wasn't anxious, but it wouldn't have made a difference. Today was my long-awaited appointment with the Ob/Gyn.
I was prepared for the worst. No heartbeat. Ectopic pregnancy. Irregular heartbeat. Chemical pregnancy.
But there it was on the ultrasound, a little heart beating away steadily at 133bpm. Wow, I said, under my breath. Just wow.
I was not an easy patient today, I think. The perky, chatty nurse took me into the examining room, and told me to pee in a cup "to verify the test." I told her I'd just seen a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor, and asked her if that were really necessary. She demurred.
Then she proceeded to ask me for my email address for some enfamil and similac promotions. I asked her, "is this so they can start to spam me?" She laughed. I put down the pen. "Did you know," I said, "that sometimes these companies can not or will not take someone off a mailing list immediately if they have a miscarriage? That the woman has to endure constant reminders of her loss and everyone else's expectation until they can get their technology together?" She looked a little surprised. "I don't hold it against you personally," I said, "but not every pregnancy ends happily. Maybe this practice might want to think about how to be more sensitive to that fact, and perhaps wait a bit longer before connecting people with advertising aimed at newborns."
She had less to say after that, and proceeded to hand me the same paperwork I'd been handed three times before in my life. I could have told her what it all said.
While I'm cautiously optimistic, it's become clear to me just how limited people's perspectives are when it comes to issues of loss and infertility, even inside the doctor's office.
Luckily, my neighbor was coming over for dinner tonight to keep me and the boy company, so I came home and quickly lost myself in the preparation of zucchini crusted pizza. (Thank you, CSA, for sending something besides lettuce.) The original is from the Moosewood Cookbook, but it's been tinkered over the years; it's good summer comfort food. And it went really well with the mini ice cream cake my neighbor brought. I think she has a sixth sense.
Tell us: what's YOUR favorite topping?
Zucchini Crusted Pizza
2 cups grated zucchini
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1 pinch basil or marjoram or rosemary (optional)
2 tablespoons olive oil
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Generously oil a 10 inch pie pan and coat lightly with flour. Combine zucchini, eggs, flour, mozzarella, parmesan, herbs and 1 T olive oil in a bowl and mix well. Spread into the prepared pan and bake for 35-40 minues or until golden brown. About halfway through the baking, brush with the remaining tablespoon of olive oil[optional].Remove from oven. When it has cooled for about 10 minues, use a spatula to loosen the crust from the pan so it won't break later. Top with your favourite pizza items and bake at 400 F until heated through.